Feeling defeated!!

My blood work came back negative today. Hcg needs to be 6 to be considered pregnant and mine was 0.7.

I'm feeling defeated. I feel like this will never work. I feel like I can't even figure out a way to get pregnant artificially. I feel like I did something to deserve this. Mostly I feel worn out.

I feel like 1:06 though 1:46 of this video

VIDEO

I got a call from the clinic and they said to stop all meds and go in for monitoring cycle day 3 next cycle. Looks like we are rolling right into the next try.

What made my day is when my bestie gave me these



Tomorrow is another day

Cautiously optimistic!

This mornings test did not look good until the 6 minute mark. It has a line that I think is darker. Since I posted it on online threads others think its darker too. I also had it tweaked for me. Before you ask tweaking is where people manipulate the photo to see if they can make a line stand out more, pull color from or find a line on a pregnancy test. Yes it's real and yes people do it. I tried but I suck.

Here is my test for today...



^^ today's original test



^^ the tweak kricket was kind enough to do for me.

Losing Hope

Yesterdays test was super light I expected todays second line to be gone. Well it wasn't. I can't tell if the line is darker or the same as yesterdays but I had hoped it would be quite a bit darker. Im starting to feel a bit down. I hope I wake up to a solid line tomorrow!!


 

 ^^yesterdays



^^ todays test


 I swear there are actual lines I'm not crazy.

Photos

I've been testing like a crazy person. I'm waiting for the 600iu hcg shot they gave me to go away. Once a pregnancy test is negative that means shot hcg is out of my system and if it turns positive after that it means baby hcg is in my system. These are the first tests.

Here are cheats for abbreviations:

• #dp#dt= #days past #day transfer.... Mine will always be 5dt cause the embryo was 5 days old as opposed to a 3dt which is 3 days old. They generally do 3 or 5 day transfers.

• FMU= first morning urine

• POASA= pee on a stick-aholic

 

^^ Saturday when I got home

 

^^ Sunday morning






^^ This morning. As you can see the line is quite a bit lighter. It's what we POASA's call a squinter.

I really hope these lines get darker again over the next few days. Ill post when I have more.
Here's more just for fun!!!



^^ Fairy garden

 

^^ Flowers M picked out while I was stuck in the airport.

Finally home

The embryo is hopefully settling in to its home for the next 9 months and after a trip form hell I'm finally home in Minnesota.

I had my transfer yesterday at 1:30. They decided that it wold be safer if they only transferred one embryo because of my history of ectopic. It was fully hatched and I was told if it is going to stick it will within 24 hours. Being who I am I turned to Dr. Google and can't seem to find answers on why my embryo isn't circular, if its a good chance of success cause it is fully hatched and if the embryo can be damaged during transfer because it doesn't have a shell. If any of you know answers to these feel free to answer them!!

I left the clinic at 2 and due to traffic it took 2 hours to get to the airport. Upon arriving I found out my flight was delayed and delayed again, and delayed again and then cancelled cause I would miss my connection. I got to spend the night in the airport. Luckily Margie (sister) worked over nights and kept checking to see if I was alive.

The flights went well but the captain kept saying "our trip to Chicago..." I honestly thought I would never get home. Landed a 1 got home at 3:45 and napped until 7. M said she can only hug me light cause I have a growing baby even though she knows it may not stick. She also asked when I talked to her last night if I know if it is a brother or sister. Told her that will be a while before we know that.

After my transfer yesterday I was given a hcg shot so now I'm testing it out. Meaning I'm taking pregnancy test like they are going out of style once they are negative ill know the shot is out of my system and if I get a positive after a negative ill know its the real deal! My official test is Friday.

The test below is today test it is a bit of a squinter.

The fully hatched embryo is pictured below as well!

This will be the last one I post on Facebook. I will continue to update here you will just have to check back to know the results...

Philly, Boston, NY, oh my!!

Here was my schedule today...

Up at 4am... Why you ask? Eh why not?
Tossed and turned for an hour trying to go back to sleep
Spent a half hour reading fb and my support boards
5:30 up for the day
6 let jack out
6:10 in car on road
6:15 on my way back home, forgot wallet
6:21 on road again
6:23 on my way back home again, forgot ring
6:26 on the road
8:30 waiting at gate
11am flight takes off to Philadelphia
(The rest is in eastern time)
2:34pm plane lands find out instead of Minneapolis to Philly to NY I'm taking a detour to Boston, eat Philly cheesesteak... not so great
4:15 plane takes off from Boston
6:00 find out JFK is flooded and laguardia only has one runway open.
7:00 announcement that 7:00 flight is delayed to 7:30
7:35 announcement that flight is delayed to 8
8:00 board plane
8:15 announcement we are on hold until 9:15
10pm finally in NYC
10:43 give myself a shot in the ass... That's talent!
11:10 time for shower.... No hot water...
11:16 tried to watch tv while waiting for engineer... See photos below for how that went.

I was supposed to be here at 4:30 long day... BUT

Tomorrow, tomorrow, my transfers tomorrow and betas just a week away.....

Really hope tomorrow goes better

The day is here... Almost

Blood work this morning showed progesterone at 27.2 up from 2.6 on Sunday and E2 at 109 up from 59 on Sunday!

Got a call this morning and my transfer is scheduled!

Friday at 11:40 is the magic time.

Fly in on Thursday and fly home after transfer on Friday. I will then have 3 days to sit on my butt.

Official blood test will be the official test but you can bet your ass ill be testing early and by early I mean every flapping day!

Super excited!!! Big things hopefully coming our way.

That's my friends and my excited face!!

PIO- Day 2

Last night my kitchen looked like someone was stabbed.


Please ignore my ugly floor!

After reasearching the interwebs yesterday I learned the correct spot for the injection as well as tricks to make sure it is in the muscle, make it easier to puncture the flesh and how to not make your butt hurt for the next day. Last night I prepped the injection and got Nate.

I was trying to explain to him the x,y axis of my right butt cheek when he said "cant you just mark it somehow?" and mark it I did. I went and grabbed a sharpie and drew the lines on my butt. I went back and he started laughing cause they were no where close to straight. So I lookd in the mirror and drew the most misshapen circle ever which caused Nate to get the giggles.

I told Nate one of the tricks is to hold the skin tight where you are to inject it. He did that and I didn't feel a thing. I told him to pull out the plunger to see if there is any blood and he said "I don't know if I pulled it out enough but I don't see anything." So I figured we were ok to inject. He injected it and asked if he needed to keep it in there for a bit so nothing oozed out like it did the night before. He then said "there seem to be some stuck in there" I stood up and turned to look at the syringe not realizing it was still in my butt. After getting situated again he pulled out the needle and that is where everything went to hell.

As soon as the needle left my bum blood gushed. Hit Nate, ran down my pants and hit the floor. Even though it brought back terrible pencil injurt flashbacks it was probably the funniest thing to happen yesterday. I only bled for a minute or so so not too bad.

I'm not sure if we again hit the wrong spot or if it was from me standing up during. It also could be cause Nate doesn't understand removing the needle the same way it went in but hey we have about 10 weeks of this to get it right!

I go for bloodwork today and should have another update tonight... stay tuned

intramuscular injection

OUCH!!!!

Last night I had my first intramuscular injection from now on I will call it "butt injection"

After yesterdays blood work I thought this cycle was doomed as my estrogen dropped. I got a call during a friends bridal shower from the clinic in NY to tell me to start on estrace (estrogen supplement) and progesterone in oil (PIO). The PIO was very intimidating as you have to draw it up with one needle then put on a bigger needle to inject it. Nate was nice enough to help out. However neither of us could figure out where it was supposed to go! I picked a spot that I thought I remember getting my methotrexate and my HCG shots and we went for it. I'm not normally afraid of needles/shots/bloodraws but looking at the size of the needle I freaked out a few times and kinda felt like throwing up but I made it through. Here is a picture so you can see!



Today I find out that you are supposed to put the needle in and draw out the plunger just to make sure you are in muscle and not vein/artery. We did not do this. OOPS!

Right after the shot my leg started feeling funny so I went against instructions and went to bed.

WAY WRONG CHOICE!!!

This morning I woke up and my whole left side from my rump down hurts. I'm sitting crooked right now to try to keep weight off my left cheek. I'm pretty sure we did it in the wrong spot. I figured out how to find the right muscle and tonight i'm going to circle it with a sharpie <visualize it> so I dont have to find it every time. I am also going to walk a bit after to work the muscle and then sit on a heating pad.

Oh I should add in that the reason we are doing this is because if all my bloodwork is good tomorrow my transfer will be Thursday or Friday. YAY!!!

My head is spinning

There is so much back and forth I can't keep it straight.
I had another monitoring visit yesterday and my E2 which was only 49 last thursday went up to 141 which I believe is a good thing. The nurse who called yesterday didn't mention anything about maybe giving up on this cycle. She just told me to go back on Sunday for more work.

I hope by Sunday I will have ovulated or at least am close. Is it really too much to just want to be done?

I have a big weekend planned though!

Saturday is Jess/Lukes wedding shower and Sunday is Bethany's shower and maybe bridesmaid dress shopping since I'm slacking on that and her wedding is in August. I was hoping I would have a big fat belly to have to accomodate to by then but It's not looking like it will be any bigger then it is now.

If my visit on Sunday shows I ovulated and they do the transfer on Friday the 24th I will be due Feb 8!! yep lame of me for playing the "if" card but I need something to hold onto.

Peeing on everything

You read that right!!!

Being the control freak I am I don't want to just rely on my monitoring appts so I bought ovulation tests. I'm paranoid that the clinic will miss me ovulating and miss this cycle.

So far I've done 4 in the past 2 days... In the infertility forum world they call people like poas-aholics. (Pee on a stick) I'm one who is either spending 2 weeks peeing on ovulation tests (opks) or pregnancy tests (hpts).

I'm not proud or ashamed....

That is all

Maybe another month!

Ahhhhhhhh I'm in limbo. After my visit on Thursday I got a call from the New York clinic and apparently my estrogen is too low for a transfer. Ironic since it was too high last month.

My hormones on cycle day 13 look like what they should on cycle day 6-7 for a textbook cycle. I do not have a textbook cycle. usually 31-35 days. I have another visit on Wednesday and we will decide from there. I'm not a fan of this waiting game.

another month wait?!?!?

JUST KIDDING!!! I hope

I went in to get a scan done last week as part of my prep for frozen transfer. According to my doctor my ovaries are the size of baseballs and he wouldn't be surprised if my transfer gets put off another month.

Later that day the doctor in NY called and said that my numbers look fine, ovaries are swollen but as long as I was feeling fine we could continue on with the transfer this cycle.

So here I am in limbo. Waiting for my body to do all its natural stuffs it has to do after pushing it for 2 months to do completely unnatural things. If everything goes as anticipated, whats the chance of that happening?, I'll have my transfer done on May 20th. Only a few weeks left...

I found out today that my next round of meds is actually being covered by insurance!!!! AND M and I both made it through dental appointments without cavities so I consider this a win week!