M finds out tonight

Had another ultrasound today and not only did we see the heart beat but we saw it as well. Suqishy is measuring 2 days ahead at 10w1d but my due date will stay the same for now. Squish is currently 3cm and is the size of a kumquat with a heart beat of 176!

We will be telling M and the Facebook world tonight.

Finally Free

It has been quite some time since I updated. I have no other reason than napping! I'm so tired all day, every day. I know it comes with the territory.

After my 3rd (technically 4th) ultrasound my fertility clinic decided to graduate me. What this means is we are no longer in the care of New Hope in New York. It's all on my local OB now. Granted he has been doing most of the work as far as ultrasounds, bloodwork and monitoring goes but now he actually gets to make decisions about my care.

I stopped estrogen pills last night. I have about a week left on the progesterone and then I'm done with shots! I couldn't be happier about that one as there is a perminant line of injection points and bruises along the top of my butt.

After the last time I posted Nate and I went to a country music festival. Not being a country fan myself I normally go to have 4 days of grill food, beer and yard games with a little music on the side. This year being pregnant meant no beer :( no appitite for grill food :( and no energy for yard games. However, I made it through the trip without throwing up. I call that a win!

So far my symptoms at 9w5d:
Sore chest- OUCH
Bloated!!! I am either wearing my pants unbuttoned or maternity pants
Nausea- This has subsided quite a bit. I went from all day sickness to just when I eat or dont eat sickness. (with M I was sick from 8w until 16w so I think it will return.)
Exhaustion- Anyone wanna come clean my house?
Pregnancy migraines- I did have this one when pregnant with M but I am going on day 5 of a headache and day 3 of a migraine. I will be asking OB for something to help tomorrow.

Overall I feel great! I am also making it a point to enjoy all my symptoms because it means in the battle of millers-vs-ivf  Millers won!

Here is the baby at 7w6d if you look close you can see the arm buds forming. At this appointment we asked when it would be ok to tell M and my OB advised us to wait until my appointment on 8/20. He said that once the heartbeat is heard on the doppler it's as close as you are going to get to "in the clear." So if all goes well tomorrow we will be telling M after work!!!

6w4d

I went in for my ultrasound and at first it was looking like bad news. But then we saw the most perfect bean. The yolk sac is measuring great, the baby measures 6w4d and has a heart beat of 133-135. I could not be happier! The round part is the yolk sac even though it looks like a head. The aarow is pointing towards the baby's heart.


The rest of the night I get to go to my work party, finish packing, drop off kiddo at gmas and gpas and head out on our vacation. M is going to waterpark it up with the gparents while Nate and I enjoy listen to some country music. I don't get to drink any beer but at least I have a good reason!

Infertility's Common Thread

If you are struggling with infertility then you know the feeling of going to a ball game, walking the mall or eating in a restaurant and everyone around you have that perfect swollen pregnancy belly or a new born. I for sure notice it. Someone once told me it is like buying a new car. Once you buy your car you start noticing everyone in town has the same one. One doesn't notice all the pregnancies or babies until one wants to be pregnant or have a baby and then they are EVERYWHERE.

I often find myself bitter when surrounded by pregnancy and babies (which is why I hide "track my babies progress", bump pictures and new born pictures on Facebook. Sorry but I unhide once the baby is a few months old). Then I wonder "what did she go through to get that baby?" The girls on my board have often talked about having a secret handshake or some sort of symbol to identify that someone has struggled. There was even talk of a decoder ring. Who wouldn't want that?!?

Someone posted this...

http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2006/09/history-of-infertilitys-common-thread/

Its another blogger who came up with the idea of a pomegranate colored (embroidery floss #814) string or bracelet worn on the right wrist to help identify those who struggled. It can also help strike up a conversation about infertility and get information out there.

I plan on picking up my string today.

Speaking of today I have 2.5 hours until my next ultrasound. I feel I'm very prepared for the worst. I will update later on the outcome. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts!

Too happy too soon?

Sorry I haven't updated on yesterdays ultrasound earlier but it wasn't great news and so I haven't been feeling the greatest. During my ultrasound yesterday the gestational sac measured 6 weeks 4 days and I should have been 6 weeks. Unfortunately the gestational sac was empty. There was no yolk sac, no fetal pole and no heart beat. The doctor is considering it a "suspected blighted ovum." My doctor told me it may just be too early but to not get my hopes up. I am scheduled for another scan on Tuesday, July 30. After sending the ultrasound report to my clinic in New York they emailed back pretty much saying "sure you didn't see anything, its way too early. You shouldn't have had an ultrasound until 7/31 anyway." Umm then why did they order me one for a week early? They seem optimistic and I'm hoping they don't live in a world where unicorns poop glitter cause this girl likes harsh reality even if it sucks. I did ask the clinic in NY why they ordered the scan to be done yesterday (the one at 5 weeks was ordered by my OB to check for another ectopic) and have yet to get a response. Sure will be interesting to hear their response.

I have researched and found that blighted ovum’s are caused by chromosomal abnormalities but I still can't help feeling like I did something wrong. Celebrated too early? Already bought a car seat cover? Found my maternity cloths?

Thankfully we didn't tell M yet. I have no clue how I would explain this to her.

I have been spending quite a bit of time on Dr. Google and from what I read there it can happen that 7 weeks is the magic number but I would assume that we would at least see something in there by now. I'm feeling a little better today but again not trying to get my hopes up. I would rather mourn the loss now and have good news then get my hopes up and have them shot right back down on Tuesday.

I hope with all my heart NYC (New York Clinic :)) is right and it was just to early but my mama instinct tells me it's over. If this is the case and it is a lost pregnancy I will be taking a month or two off of my IVF journey to get my emotions and stress in check before we start again.

Thanks to all who read and all who give their support. I will be sure to update on Tuesday.

I could never be a princess...

No not because prince William is married, no not cause they just had a baby because I would not be able to produce an heir. I read today that Princess/Dutchess Kate whatever title she holds had to have fertility testing done before they could announce their engagement cause they had to be sure she could produce "an heir and one to spare."

Well jokes on them. Even with all the testing the world they still may have issues (obviously in light of yesterday's royal birth they didn't). Interesting They talk openly about Kate's reproductive health and lady bits but was William told to do a seamen analysis? Would they talk his boy parts openly. HEAVENS NO! Why does the fertility issue (if there was one) have to just be with Kate?

Which brings me to why is it always with the women? Granted Nate and my issue IS with me but in my travels I have met several couples where it is male infertility based.

Back to the royal venting... Would they be forced to break up if something was wrong? Would he have to choose between her and the throne. I understand that monarchs marry to keep the bloodline going but it seems a bit extreme. Oh and some idiot reporter said "she made the right move having a boy" not that its her choice.

Ok I'm done. I will jump down from my high horse and wait for the royal kids name and photos.

Maybe I'm just bitter cause I'll never get a crown

PIO Fail

Per instructions from the very reliable Dr. Google Nate has been aspirating my injection when he gives me shots to check for blood. He had yet to hit a vein until last night. He came home after work and woke me up for my shot and then he muttered the worst words to hear while you are bent over a chair with a needle in your bum.

Nate: "Oh Shit!"
Me: "what did you do"
Nate: "sorry babe I got blood. What do I do now?"
Me: "ummm take it out?"

Being in the tired state I was I couldn't remember if I had to dispose of the injection completely or just switch the needle. I remember the need to switch the needle because it becomes dull after puncture and there was no way I am letting him stab me with a dull needle. He took the needle out I switched the needle and then I found out why you might want to discard the whole thing. Blood being injected into a muscle causes one HECK of a bruise and not one I can take a picture of and be proud of. It's not close enough to the surface.

Looks like we will be hanging out on the right cheek for a few days to let that sucker heal up.

Tomorrow is my next ultrasound and I hope to see something more in the ultrasound. Can't wait for squishy to look less like a bean and more like a human.