6w4d

I went in for my ultrasound and at first it was looking like bad news. But then we saw the most perfect bean. The yolk sac is measuring great, the baby measures 6w4d and has a heart beat of 133-135. I could not be happier! The round part is the yolk sac even though it looks like a head. The aarow is pointing towards the baby's heart.


The rest of the night I get to go to my work party, finish packing, drop off kiddo at gmas and gpas and head out on our vacation. M is going to waterpark it up with the gparents while Nate and I enjoy listen to some country music. I don't get to drink any beer but at least I have a good reason!

Infertility's Common Thread

If you are struggling with infertility then you know the feeling of going to a ball game, walking the mall or eating in a restaurant and everyone around you have that perfect swollen pregnancy belly or a new born. I for sure notice it. Someone once told me it is like buying a new car. Once you buy your car you start noticing everyone in town has the same one. One doesn't notice all the pregnancies or babies until one wants to be pregnant or have a baby and then they are EVERYWHERE.

I often find myself bitter when surrounded by pregnancy and babies (which is why I hide "track my babies progress", bump pictures and new born pictures on Facebook. Sorry but I unhide once the baby is a few months old). Then I wonder "what did she go through to get that baby?" The girls on my board have often talked about having a secret handshake or some sort of symbol to identify that someone has struggled. There was even talk of a decoder ring. Who wouldn't want that?!?

Someone posted this...

http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2006/09/history-of-infertilitys-common-thread/

Its another blogger who came up with the idea of a pomegranate colored (embroidery floss #814) string or bracelet worn on the right wrist to help identify those who struggled. It can also help strike up a conversation about infertility and get information out there.

I plan on picking up my string today.

Speaking of today I have 2.5 hours until my next ultrasound. I feel I'm very prepared for the worst. I will update later on the outcome. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts!

Too happy too soon?

Sorry I haven't updated on yesterdays ultrasound earlier but it wasn't great news and so I haven't been feeling the greatest. During my ultrasound yesterday the gestational sac measured 6 weeks 4 days and I should have been 6 weeks. Unfortunately the gestational sac was empty. There was no yolk sac, no fetal pole and no heart beat. The doctor is considering it a "suspected blighted ovum." My doctor told me it may just be too early but to not get my hopes up. I am scheduled for another scan on Tuesday, July 30. After sending the ultrasound report to my clinic in New York they emailed back pretty much saying "sure you didn't see anything, its way too early. You shouldn't have had an ultrasound until 7/31 anyway." Umm then why did they order me one for a week early? They seem optimistic and I'm hoping they don't live in a world where unicorns poop glitter cause this girl likes harsh reality even if it sucks. I did ask the clinic in NY why they ordered the scan to be done yesterday (the one at 5 weeks was ordered by my OB to check for another ectopic) and have yet to get a response. Sure will be interesting to hear their response.

I have researched and found that blighted ovum’s are caused by chromosomal abnormalities but I still can't help feeling like I did something wrong. Celebrated too early? Already bought a car seat cover? Found my maternity cloths?

Thankfully we didn't tell M yet. I have no clue how I would explain this to her.

I have been spending quite a bit of time on Dr. Google and from what I read there it can happen that 7 weeks is the magic number but I would assume that we would at least see something in there by now. I'm feeling a little better today but again not trying to get my hopes up. I would rather mourn the loss now and have good news then get my hopes up and have them shot right back down on Tuesday.

I hope with all my heart NYC (New York Clinic :)) is right and it was just to early but my mama instinct tells me it's over. If this is the case and it is a lost pregnancy I will be taking a month or two off of my IVF journey to get my emotions and stress in check before we start again.

Thanks to all who read and all who give their support. I will be sure to update on Tuesday.

I could never be a princess...

No not because prince William is married, no not cause they just had a baby because I would not be able to produce an heir. I read today that Princess/Dutchess Kate whatever title she holds had to have fertility testing done before they could announce their engagement cause they had to be sure she could produce "an heir and one to spare."

Well jokes on them. Even with all the testing the world they still may have issues (obviously in light of yesterday's royal birth they didn't). Interesting They talk openly about Kate's reproductive health and lady bits but was William told to do a seamen analysis? Would they talk his boy parts openly. HEAVENS NO! Why does the fertility issue (if there was one) have to just be with Kate?

Which brings me to why is it always with the women? Granted Nate and my issue IS with me but in my travels I have met several couples where it is male infertility based.

Back to the royal venting... Would they be forced to break up if something was wrong? Would he have to choose between her and the throne. I understand that monarchs marry to keep the bloodline going but it seems a bit extreme. Oh and some idiot reporter said "she made the right move having a boy" not that its her choice.

Ok I'm done. I will jump down from my high horse and wait for the royal kids name and photos.

Maybe I'm just bitter cause I'll never get a crown

PIO Fail

Per instructions from the very reliable Dr. Google Nate has been aspirating my injection when he gives me shots to check for blood. He had yet to hit a vein until last night. He came home after work and woke me up for my shot and then he muttered the worst words to hear while you are bent over a chair with a needle in your bum.

Nate: "Oh Shit!"
Me: "what did you do"
Nate: "sorry babe I got blood. What do I do now?"
Me: "ummm take it out?"

Being in the tired state I was I couldn't remember if I had to dispose of the injection completely or just switch the needle. I remember the need to switch the needle because it becomes dull after puncture and there was no way I am letting him stab me with a dull needle. He took the needle out I switched the needle and then I found out why you might want to discard the whole thing. Blood being injected into a muscle causes one HECK of a bruise and not one I can take a picture of and be proud of. It's not close enough to the surface.

Looks like we will be hanging out on the right cheek for a few days to let that sucker heal up.

Tomorrow is my next ultrasound and I hope to see something more in the ultrasound. Can't wait for squishy to look less like a bean and more like a human.

We have ourselves a baby!

Had an ultrasound yesterday and my OB confirmed that the pregnancy is indeed in my uterus! All there was was a sac cause im only 5 weeks but ill go back next week and hopfully see a heart beat. We are super excited. We havent told M yet as we do not want to get her hopes up invase something happens.

So far a sticky baby

Had more blood work done on Wednesday and Friday and my beta came back at 184 and 426. I think I said it before but in case I didn't you want the beta to double every 48 hours. Mine is doubling at a rate of 2.3-2.6 times ever 48 hours.

Wednesday is the big day of our first ultrasound. We most likely wont see a heart beat as its too early but we will get to see where the baby is (still a risk of another ectopic) and how many babies there are.

M still doesn't know about the pregnancy. We are waiting for sure to see if its in the right spot but may wait longer. The joys of a 5 year old is that they have no concept of time so if I say there is a baby she will expect it to be here tomorrow and will ask every day if its baby day yet. I also don't know if I have enough construction paper to make that long of a chain (think christmas count down). And for some reason I want to call the baby squish. Called M Gus through the pregnancy.

Nate, my sister and I ran walked our first 5k today. We did the color run. For those who dont know what the color run is it is The happiest 5k on the planet. at 4 checkpoints they have volunteers spray or throw colored cornstarch at you. I must say it was pretty darn fun. I didn't even realize how much my legs hurt! I am also still blowing blue out of my nose. There are pictures below. See y'all Wednesday.

The before

Ready to go

The after

The results are in...

My beta was today and it is 184.1!!!

It was actually my second beta. My first beta was on Monday and it was 68.5. The Beta hCG should double every 48 hours. Mine is more than doubling. I would do the math to figure out how many hours it doubles in but I'm to lazy to do it right now. Don't you worry I will get it done!

I can official say we are pregnant. I will have an early ultrasound probably next week to make sure it isn't another ectopic pregnancy and will have more blood work next Wednesday (unless my OB wants it earlier I'm waiting on a call)

If you are on my facebook please dont say anything on facebook yet. We will do an official announcement when we know we are in the clear. Feel free to leave comments here though. Thanks

Beta tomorrow-7/10/213

Tomorrow I will have a quantitative beta hcg test. This give a number to the amount of hcg (pregnancy hormone) that is in my system. Anything over 5 is considered pregnant. If it's positive I'll be 4 weeks which would put my due date at March 19 if it is a singleton and February 24 if twins.

Because I promised it- Pictures

I know I'm about a week late posting this and I'd like to say I have a good reason but lets face it... I don't.

Here are some pictures from my last trip.



The night I arrived, this was taken off the subway platform.



While waiting for my procedure found my way into a whole foods market. Those who know me know I would never buy one of these. Not cause of a moral issue but because I don't want to see my foods face before I eat it.



Sometimes I just don't understand art. I looked at this and just said "why?"



This one too



Always rains while I'm there.



This is proof that every where I went emergency personnel followed me.





Just pretty



Hello World



Hello babies!

PUPO Part 2- electric boogaloo

As per usual I have had an interesting trip. After boarding my plane yesterday they asked us to get off cause gave us a 2 hour delay and don't want to waste the gas cooling and powering the plane. I get to my hotel room at about 9:30 and eat dinner, shower and go to bed.

At 12:15 my hotel phone rings it was a guy saying he was Julian the gm of the hotel. He said that the person who checked me in didnt take my card for incidentals and he needed to have me give it to him over the phone. I said can I go down stairs and give it there. He said "you can but then we will have to swipe it per hotel policy and put a 72 hour hold on it for the room rate." I asked what is the difference between me coming down meeting you and reading the numbers vs doing it over the phone?" And he says "per hotel policy I have to do it this way to avoid a charge but I will print out a receipt proving nothing was charged to your card." I said "yes but if you are now who you say you are then your word of a receipt isn't going to do anything" he says then you can just cancel the card." I said "no I will go down stairs right now" he says "ill see you in a few minutes"I get dressed and go down and ask to talk to the gm. Out comes a woman. I ask if my profile needs to be updated and she said "no when we charge your card for the room we also put it on file for the incidentals" I asked if there is a male working that might have called and she said besides herself the only other person who could have called was another woman. I explained the whole situation and told them to watch out and she said she doesn't even know how he got patched in to my phone. I'm assuming he worked for the hotel since he knew my room # and knew that I had just checked in.

THEN this morning as I'm leaving the hotel to go eat breakfast and kill time before my transfer 3 police officers were walking in. Then when I left the mall to go to the clinic 6 firemen were walking in with 4 trucks outside.

I get to my transfer dr says everything looks good and they transferred 2 grade B expanded blasts (meaning you can tell what cells will be baby and what till be placenta). I get sent to recovery and put on headphone and turn on music. After about 15 minutes the nurse comes in and gives me my pictures of the embryos and gives me instructions for meds. She then says "we are going to keep you here about 20 more minutes then you are free to go." I ended up falling asleep thinking they would tell me when it was time. Nope! They assumed I'd just get up when I was ready.

I grabbed lunch and settled into the hotel and watched a movie.

After a two hour nap I went for a walk to Time Square and got dinner. Now I'm back eating food, watching movies and enjoying not being in an airport.

Unfortunately it is supposed to storm most of tomorrow. Hope I make it home!